AUTHOR and speaker Mary Buffett would like to be known for herself. But that’s not a privilege the former daughter-in-law of Warren Buffet often has, for obvious reasons. Wherever she goes, at every encounter and speaking engagement, she is often asked: “What have you learned from Warren Buffett?”Considering that she has co-written seven books about Warren, one of the world’s best-known investors and a billionaire philanthropist, she must certainly have learned a lot from him.
Patience is part of it. Working hard is another. And so is giving. There are many lessons learned but one she would like the participants to take away as she wrapped up a two-day forum convened by the International Herald Tribune and The London Speaker Bureau, Dawn of the New Decade: Alternative Investments in Asia, was this:
“The real measage in my life and which Warren always talks about is, if you try to improve yourself, you are your biggest asset and that can get you anywhere. And if you love what you do, you will most likely succeed. If you think about any successful person, most of them love what they are doing.”
Born of Italian parents, she comes from an immigrant family who arrived in the United States in search of the American dream. Her grandfather and his family were farmers and labourers.
When they arrived in the United States, they did many kinds of jobs. As a young man in Chicago, her father had delivered ice and worked as a tailor and brick-layer, before going on to build a company.
“We were typical middle-class Americans in the 1950s. I have two (older) sisters and life was wonderful in the Mid-West,” she says. The family later moved to California. Her interest in music and singing led her to join a church choir.
“During that time, I felt my creativity and business spirit become one. I continued singing and later worked in various recording companies, MCA Records, Columbia and in the publishing division of Playboy Music.
When I met Peter (Warren’s son), I had left the music business and had become an entrepreneur doing everything ... from selling advertising space in newspapers to making clothes for skateboarders. Peter is a musician and the last thing I wanted to do was to meet a musician, but we fell in love at first sight,” she says.
“At that time, I did not know who Warren Buffett was. I only knew he owns See’s Candy and I love See’s Candy.”
Mary says Warren was not very well-known outside the financial circle then. “I knew he invested (in stocks) and as time went by, it became clear what his passion was. You cannot help but learn from him because he is such a great teacher. He is generous with his philosophy and always have these anecdotes about life and investing. He is also a rather funny person, which was how the title of one the books came about – The Tao of Warren Buffett.”
After the divorce – the marriage lasted 12 years – she took an interest in helping other women manage their wealth and to help them build a future for themselves and their children. Her creative spirit returned and it was during that period of her life that she wanted to put down in print all that she had learned from Warren. She also kept in touch with her mother-in-law.
She met David Clark, an analyst, and they put the quantitative and qualitative together. Their seventh and latest book is Warren Buffett and the Art of Stock Arbitrage.
But despite wearing many hats, she loves being a mother first. It is something she picked up from her own family as well as from her marriage into the Buffetts.
“The most important legacy that a woman can leave behind, besides what she has given back to the world, is her children.
“From a very young age, I taught my children how to be kind, to have empathy for other people, not to judge but to always walk in someone else’s shoes. To show up and to tell the truth, to do your best and not to be attached to the outcome. Being able to shape a young person’s mind and to make him a good human being is the best contribution. It is one that sustains throughout all generations.”
She is also excited that one of her twin girls will be getting married on Nov 14. Peter will be very much involved. Despite their divorce, they have remained friends, the way Warren and his first wife, Susan, have remained friends after they had parted ways.
As she looks back on her life and the family she was once married into, she says she has different lessons to take from both sides.
From Peter’s mother, she learned the importance of unconditional love. “She was a very giving person and stood up for people who could not stand up for themselves. She was involved in various women movements and social issues.
“There was a lot of honesty, discipline and integrity in the family. Education played a big part in their lives, which was why Peter and I continue to keep in touch when it comes to the children’s education when they were young, and now, when our daughter is going to get married.”
While the Buffetts were reserved and had a determination about them, her Italian side showed a lot more emotion.
“We came from different worlds really. There were certain things that were the same – like being very hardworking – but other things were very different.”
Mary says she got her entrepreneur spirit from her mother. Although she was a housewife, she was always challenging herself.
“She won a Sara Lee baking contest once and was extremely excited about that. She always had this idea or that idea she wanted to pursue. She helped my father with his business decisions and managed the money in the house. She was very big on us educating ourselves and being independent. She encouraged all of us to reach for the stars and to believe in ourselves.”
While her sisters got married and had children – what she calls taking the traditional approach – she took another route and went into business.
“They were not interested in starting their own business or taking risks, whereas I believe that one has to take risks when one is young in order to move on. Warren took risks and learned from his lessons. Hopefully, that is what I am doing, learning from the mistakes and getting better.”
On parenting, her own parents went the extra mile for the children, and she and Peter, despite the divorce, try their best for their twin girls and boy.
“My Italian side has always cherished the family set-up and put importance on the family support system. My grandfather was the glue in the family. He was the patriarch when we were living in Chicago.
“Every Sunday, we would go to his house, which was on a farm outside the city, and we would have a traditional Italian meal. Those times hold some of the best memories of my life. The family set-up and support system that it provided is classic Italian and that was my family dynamics,” she says.
The Buffetts were different. When she was a newly wed, she would make a great effort to make fantastic dishes and wait for his praises, which never came. “He was just eating. I’d asked, ‘Do you like it?’ And he’d said, ‘Yes, it’s very good.’
“And I would say, ‘Peter, that’s it?’ But this is a man who ate a turkey sandwich everyday before he met me. Food was something he did in order to survive. It was not a love affair as it was for me. Eventually he learned and he loved my cooking.”
She has also learned that money cannot buy happiness, health or peace. She has also discovered that success goes beyond wealth.
“Success is finding a place where you are peaceful with yourself and when you feel you have given some part of your life back, whether it is your children, or to the world, if you don’t have children, or both. Real success is being content. Success is something that is difficult to measure. It is like beauty. Beauty is what comes out of your mouth. It is in your eyes and heart and in how you treat others. I felt good about myself, in a humble way.
“Thank you for seeing me as a person, separated from the Buffett name,” she says.
By THEAN LEE CHENG
leecheng@thestar.com.my
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